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All right, show of hands. Who thinks Lady Dante is an evil cliffhanger monster who should be hunted down with pitchforks and torches? Hmm. That’s all? Okay, who thinks she should have cyber rocks thrown at her head until she rectifies the situation between Zechs and Noin? Wow. That many. Okay, majority rules…
Still Grows the Lilac
By Lady Dante
Chapter 4
"Good match, Cadet Noin."
Treize shook his head sadly as he watched Zechs Marquise stride out, leaving Lucretzia Noin standing alone in the middle of the enormous practice hall. That did not go well at all. Not at all. He had excused himself at the earliest moment on the assumption that the pair would converse more freely if left to themselves. His Excellency walked around to the side door to observe undetected, hoping to view the joyous reunion of two childhood friends. What he witnessed was no less than brutal.
He watched as the cadet sank to her knees, tears slipping down porcelain cheeks as she struggled to contain her sobs. Treize’s first instinct was to go to the child, offer her comfort, but he knew Lucretzia Noin well enough to understand that would not do. She was too proud. It was more likely the girl would be humiliated to learn anyone observed her in such a state. He remained concealed, watching from afar as the girl took a deep breath and willed away her sorrow. Noin hurriedly swiped at her face and stood rigidly, walking slowly back across the mat to retrieve her mask and foil before exiting to the girls’ locker rooms.
Treize quietly closed the door and walked away, puzzled by his ward’s behavior. He knew the boy had become hardened in the past few years, but Treize had not thought him cruel. Perhaps Zechs did not recognize his little songbird, it had been many years since they last saw each other. This thought was dismissed as quickly as it sprang. Treize remembered watching them the day of their sixth birthday celebration. They were inseparable. Zechs could not have possibly forgotten that violet-eyed girl with the heavenly voice.
The young duke’s brow furrowed at another memory. His uncle had been uncommonly interested in Lucretzia the day of the celebration. Treize had never determined why and ceased wonder about it after Cinq’s destruction. He assumed that the child, like so many others, had perished in the ensuing holocaust and was no longer deemed a problem to his uncle. In any event, Dermail never brought the matter up again and Treize wasn’t about to renew the old man’s interest until he found out what was going on with the girl.
Hiding Zechs from the old duke for the past two years had been difficult enough. Treize knew, as Zechs did not, that Dermail had a hand in Cinq’s annihilation and eventually learned why. The old man’s schemes were quite impressive, something to be admired, even if the methods were occasionally repugnant. Dermail intended to restore the disenfranchised nobility through Romefellar and was willing to sacrifice his own kind to further his own goals. As much as Treize regretted the death of beautiful Queen Katrina and her daughter, he could not discount the effectiveness of his uncle’s malicious plan. The destruction of the royal family did serve its purpose. The disjointed aristocracy came together to form one united front after the attack. The Alliance, on the other hand, began to suffer in-fighting in the years subsequent. There were now factions representing a myriad of different interests, from the more peace-minded liberals who followed Eduard Noventa to the fascist hardliners like General Septum. The great Alliance military machine was beginning to trip over itself.
In light of global events, it didn’t seem sensible to encourage a relationship between two of his best recruits. Perhaps his ward’s behavior was for the best. Noin was a brilliant and skilled soldier, but could feasibly return to a normal life after the coming purification…assuming she survived. Zechs, however, was fated for something different. He was as much weapon as warrior. Perhaps it was cruel to allow the boy to form any serious attachments given what his life was destined to become. If Zechs could see past the crimson haze of revenge and renew his bond with the little girl, would he remain an effective soldier? Most likely, not. Regardless, Zechs would eventually be forced to give Lucretzia up. Perhaps it was better to do that now, while they were young. The sands of time could bury such wounds. His own wound was far from covered.
Leia, his greatest, most beloved mistake. Even now, Treize did battle with his own heart over the lovely angel. It was a bitter struggle, one that he regretted having inflicted upon himself. Men such as he were not destined for love, only power. The pain came in pretending otherwise as he had that night with Leia. Zechs Marquise and Lucretzia Noin could be spared that struggle. Treize clasped his hands behind his back at his final decision. He would not allow the two to become friends again. It would be far too cruel to allow such a thing.
+++++++++++++++++
Zechs Marquise strode across the quad, fists clenched, teeth gritted. His breath hissed out in short puffs as the boy struggled to maintain his composure. He forced himself to keep going, to move. He wouldn’t turn back, he wouldn’t allow himself to see her again. He couldn’t. It would be the death of them both. Even as his self-loathing told him to flee before he tainted his friend, a small part of his heart rejoiced at seeing Noin again. She was alive. She was well. She grew, though not as much as he. Her eyes were still violet, her hair still glossy black.
Noin’s fencing had improved considerably. They tied this time. She still tended to take steps that were too large for someone her height, putting her balance in peril. In spite of her old failing, Noin had learned to use her height, or lack there of, to her advantage. If he had been a bit taller, her maneuver would have worked better and affording her the first touch. She was always clever. He should have recognized who he was fighting simply from her technique. She fenced as she lived. Fair but unpredictable.
"Stop it," Zechs growled to himself. He grew irritated with his own weakness. There was no hope for regaining his friendship with Noin, not after what he had become. It was foolish to torture himself in such a manner. He knew he should simply push the girl from his thoughts, but found that part of heart clung to the memory of their lives before the incident in Rome. There was a time when he couldn’t imagine Noin not being in his life. Sister, partner, best friend. She had been such a huge part of his life Zechs had not believed he could survive without her, but he did. Not willingly, but he continued. Losing her had been the means by which he discovered his true path. He was not meant for schools, stories or quiet villages by the seashore. Zechs Marquise was a soldier. He was meant for war.
Noin was part of OZ now as well, didn’t that mean she wanted to fight? She had as much reason to crave revenge as he did. They had always been such a good team. Now that they had the proper training and weapons at their disposal, Zechs was certain no one could stand against them. The young cadet ran a hand through his hair roughly. He couldn’t allow that. Soldier or not, he couldn’t allow Noin to become the cold blooded killer he endeavored to be. He could accept any hardship or sacrifice gratefully if it resulted in the destruction of the Alliance, but he could not accept that for Noin. Her life was worth more. Zechs couldn’t allow her to throw it away, no matter how noble and just the purpose. She was a forgiving person. He was not. She believed in a just and merciful God. He did not. She had a strong spirit, full of hope. The boy began rubbing his palm roughly. He had a blackened soul, full of despair and fury. The fact that he had learned to control his rage did not lessen it by any means. In fact, it grew. He nurtured his anger, stoked the flame, used it to fuel a passion to fight. There was nothing left in him worth saving and he couldn’t tolerate the idea that Noin might try or, worse, that she would join him in his bloody quest.
He and Treize had acknowledged long ago that they were destined for bloodshed and martyrdom. They were fated to be the means by which humanity cleansed itself of its warring ways. His life was already surrendered, but Noin’s was not and Zechs would not allow her to follow him into Hell. The boy’s pace slowed as his mind settled on a course of action. It would be difficult, perhaps even hurt her, but in the long run it would shelter Noin from his growing wickedness. Zechs would simply pretend not to know her, that two years apart had permanently wiped her memory from his mind. Sever all ties, once and for all. No more stories or competitions. No whispered secrets or private jokes. Noin was on her own. Zechs swallowed hard and took a cleansing breath. The girl could live without him, she was stronger than anyone. She would be hurt at first, but in the end Noin would go on without him. It would be difficult to watch her grow up and not be part of it, but Zechs was convinced it was for her own good. He would protect Noin as he protected his baby sister. He would stay away.
Zechs was suddenly consumed with the overwhelming urge to wash his hands. He made his way to the nearest building and proceeded to the men’s room. He lathered his hands and rinsed several times. He turned the cold water off and allowed the stream to heat to an unbearable level before sticking his hands back under. The boy gritted his teeth and soaped his hands again, rubbing them together violently. He was desperate for spotless skin. Desperate to clean it all away.
+++++++++++++++++++
Lucretzia Noin entered the women’s dormitory and made her way slowly to the small room at the end of the hall. Her home. Somehow the sterile gray cell seemed appropriate. Completely devoid of personality, warmth, life. Exactly how she felt at the moment. It had been weeks since her surprise reunion with the boy she thought of as a brother and the shock had just begun to dissipate. The pain, however, remained as strong as that first moment. Noin realized why Zechs had rejected her so coldly then and ignored her now. He hated her. Was it any wonder? She should have realized it sooner, before she made a fool of herself. He blamed her for his capture. It was perfectly just that he should do so. Noin knew it was her fault. If she had been more alert when they entered the church, if she had reacted more quickly to Karl’s threat, if she had been faster…if, if, IF. Wishing for a different outcome would not change the fact that Zechs had been captured by the very people responsible for killing his family and ruining his life. And it was all her fault. This time, it was she who ruined her best friend’s life.
Upon reaching her quarters, the girl fished under her bed for a small box. Noin sat with the broken music box in her lap, silently running her fingers over the delicate carvings. She cautiously lifted the lid and looked at the damaged mechanism that once played a lovely tune. She had not been able to make herself fix the cylinder in the year since Une flung the box into a wall. She had not been able to open the ornate box at all since that night. The box contained too many painful memories. After a few moments of rummaging through the eclectic contents, Noin pulled out a small cloth bundle. She had preserved it dutifully for almost two years in preparation for her reunion with Zechs. Though it had not been as joyous as Noin expected, at least she knew he was alive and well. She could be grateful for that.
Maybe one day he could forgive her, perhaps even think of her kindly again and they could be friends once more. She could accept that he would never see her as he once had, but she could not allow herself to believe Zechs would hate her forever. Noin was a person who believed in miracles. He was alive, wasn’t he? If Zechs could escape the Alliance, then Noin could hope silently for another miracle. That he would forgive her. In the meantime, she should at least return his mama’s locket.
++++++++++++++++++
Zechs sat in the empty classroom, enjoying the brief moment of solitude. In a few moments the other students would arrive, milling around, chatting amiably. He was never one of those students. He never lingered outside the door, talking to his friends for a few minutes longer before classes started. He never rushed to another building to meet anyone, never arrived tardy because he walked a girlfriend to her class first. It didn’t bother the cadet normally, but it did a today. Several times already, he had spotted Noin walking through the halls, occasionally stopping to answer questions. Academically, he and Noin were tied for first. Anyone who was having difficulty in any class knew to ask Cadet Noin as surely as they knew to avoid Cadet Marquise like the plague.
Zechs had successfully evaded her for weeks, but the beginning of the new semester meant reorganizing the class. He and Noin were now forced to share most of their classes with one another, making it incredibly difficult to remain detached from his former friend. The cadet straightened in his seat as students and the instructor began to filter into the room.
Zechs glanced out the door just in time to catch another glimpse of the girl. She was dressed in the typical cadet’s uniform, carrying an armload of books and trying to blow bangs out of her eyes. He wondered vaguely why she hadn’t allowed her hair to grow out again. There was no longer a need to dress as a boy, nor was it possible any longer. Noin’s shape was beginning to show the first indications of a more womanly form. Already, most of the males at the Academy had started noticing the dark haired beauty, a fact that suddenly bothered Zechs as he made note of one such adolescent cadet watch Noin entering the classroom. The boy’s head snapped around so quickly that Zechs was certain the cadet would suffer whiplash. Such reactions would only get worse as Noin grew into the lovely young woman she was destined to become. Zechs suddenly realized he was also staring at Noin and hastily returned his gaze to the instructor, which happened to be Johnny. Zechs fought the urge to groan at the "I-caught-you-looking" smirk on the young instructor’s face.
Johnny shook his head, grinning, and began the lecture. The lesson was intended to sharpen the student’s strategic skills while teaching teamwork and chain of command. The students were to be divided into four teams, mock battle situations were randomly presented to each and a time limit applied for the teams to formulate a solution. Zechs, as he expected, was given command of one of the teams. His crew consisted of four cadets representing different operation stations. One of the cadets was Lucretzia Noin, given the task of manning the communications post. Zechs was careful not to peer at Noin as the group discussed strategy, speaking to anyone and everyone else. The girl seemed not to notice, or chose to ignore, his snubs and offered several suggestions and alternate plans of attack.
"And we should consider the possibility of losing outside communications altogether."
"I hardly think that’s likely, Cadet Noin."
Noin hesitated before responding, "I think it is very likely, Zechs." A sharp look from Zechs indicated his displeasure at her use of his first name. Instead of being hurt, Noin was irritated. Maybe she deserved his contempt, maybe not, but this was a mission. Zechs had no right to ignore her. She had been in battle, experienced the unlikely situation first hand. She had been in action and knew better than anyone in her group, even Zechs, how unpredictable a battle could be. Noin was angered by his insistence on ignoring every idea she presented.
"We should at least prepare for the possibility." Noin announced, trying to remain professional and objective.
"It would be a waste of time and resources."
Noin decided against insisting on her plan. Technically, Zechs was the group leader. If he wanted to get them all killed, fine. It would be his fault. Arguing would just make her look bad. She sat silent, inputting the information Zechs dictated regarding their plan of attack and defense. It was a good plan, Noin had to admit, but it was a bit reckless. Zechs had always had a streak of impulsiveness. She was always trying to make him see reason. As she finished up the report, Noin’s thoughts kept turning to the battle on colony X-18999. The simulation they had been given was obviously based on that event, at least partially. The idea that the instructor would throw something unexpected into the mix nagged at Noin.
"I really think we should…"
"The decision has been made, Cadet Noin."
Noin clenched her teeth and glared at Zechs. He was as stubborn now as he was when they were ten. This was the first time she found herself on the wrong end of the boy’s insufferable stubborn streak. Noin glanced back at the screen and entered the final few calculations. The instructor called out the two minute warning. Zechs leaned over to listen to a question from one of the other cadets in their group and Noin took the opportunity to add her contingency for a communications blackout just as time was called.
Each group’s plan was critiqued. The details of every situation were read aloud by the instructor, who threw in what he called a ‘wild card’ to test the cadet’s plans. The other three groups failed to satisfactorily deal with the unforeseen events.
"That’s why we play these games, cadets. War is fickle and not everyone plays by the same rules. You’ve got to think ahead." Johnny looked at his clipboard and called on Zechs. "Cadet Marquise. The command center is under attack and…drum roll, please," the lieutenant flipped through his stack of impossible situations and selected a scenario. "And your communications are totally, completely gone."
"Completely, sir?"
"Deadsville."
Zechs handed over the report, grinding his teeth at his folly. He knew Noin’s plan was prudent, but he refused it anyway. He wouldn’t allow himself to start treating her like a partner. He was too caught up in distancing himself from the girl to notice she had a valid point about the communications blackout. His pigheadedness would cost his team high marks.
"Good plan, cadets. I see you thought of my little surprise already. Good job."
Zechs stiffened. She put her idea in anyway. Behind his back. Against orders. He glanced sideways at Noin, who stood straight-backed, chin held high. She was right and she knew it. The corner of Zechs’ mouth twitched. Noin was always a superb strategist, able to plan for the worst. If Zechs didn’t know her so well, he would assume that the girl was a pessimist, but Noin would insist she was simply a pragmatist. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. As such thoughts played through the boy’s mind, the object of his musings glanced over at him. Noin held his gaze for a moment, her eyes communicating an odd mixture of defiance and doubt. She always looked like that when they had a fight. Determined to stick to what she believed, yet unwilling to stand against him. Noin suddenly broke eye contact and looked ahead.
"O.K. then. Let’s wrap this up," Johnny commented as he looked at his watch, "I’ve got a date with a mobile suit."
The remainder of the class was spent discussing the errors of the other teams. Zechs sat stoically with his group, pretending to pay attention as he brooded over his poor leadership. It shouldn’t have mattered that he and Noin were barely speaking. He was in charge. A good leader makes decisions without regard for personal conflicts. Then again, a good soldier followed orders. He was mad at himself for his failure. He was mad at her for her insubordination. As class ended Zechs stood swiftly to leave, an unconscious frown creasing his features.
Before reaching the exit, Zechs found his path blocked by Noin. She looked up at him and swallowed hard before speaking.
"Good job, Zechs. Our team was the only one with near-perfect marks."
There was no hint of gloating in her voice, but Zechs was still angry at her presumption to disobey his order.
"Don’t congratulate me, cadet. It wasn’t my idea, remember?"
Noin’s eyes narrowed. Zechs saw her jaw set in preparation for a scathing comeback. Instead, she took a breath and said, "That’s not why I stopped you…it’s our…" She looked up and hastily corrected herself, "it will be your birthday soon and I wanted to give you something."
Noin pulled the something from her pocket as she spoke and offered it up. Zechs felt a small spark of gratitude. It had been a long time since they had shared a birthday, since he even thought of celebrating a birthday. The small glimmer died as abruptly as it appeared and he simply stared at the girl. It was becoming surprisingly easy to shut her out, to widen the chasm created by their long separation. As Zechs stared blankly, Noin began to look irritated.
"You needn’t worry, cadet. I didn’t buy anything special…it’s just an old locket I was keeping for a friend." Noin’s tone was cool with a tinge of sarcasm.
Zechs was too caught up in the effort to remain aloof for her words to register immediately. Slowly what the girl said broke through his carefully maintained emotional wall. The young cadet stopped breathing for a moment as his eyes traveled slowly from Noin to what she held in her outstretched hand. A small bundle of soft cloth, showing subtle signs of age, but still dutifully preserved. Zechs hesitantly reached forward and gently took the bundle, unfolding the layers of fabric carefully, as though exposing some ancient treasure. It was a treasure, far beyond price. It was his mama’s locket. He thought it had been lost forever, along with Noin. There it lay in his palm, intricate engravings, brilliant silver, delicate chain. The last thing his mama gave him.
Zechs looked up, about to thank Noin for saving it, but found that she had already turned on her heels and walked away. He watched the girl stomp off and fought the urge to call her back. Instead, he fastened the locket around his neck and tucked it inside his shirt. One last glance over his shoulder at Noin and Zechs left, whispering, "Thank you, Luie."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Clear the field! Have a Rescue vehicle on standby!"
Johnny heard the frantic communication between members of his ground crew. He strained against the controls of the crimson suit and fought to maintain altitude. The suit itself was almost beyond his skills as a pilot, but the odd navigational system seemed also to scream into his brain, pushing information into his weary mind faster than he could comprehend. Twice already he thought he had crashed into the hanger bay, killing everyone in sight, only to find he was still flying high above. As skilled as the Specials aviator was, he could not contend with the disorientation produced by the suit’s operating system. Raw data crowded his brain, hallucinations threatened his senses. Screams. Were they real? He couldn’t tell anymore. The machine itself seemed intent on driving him mad, whispering into his brain: I wasn’t meant for you. The suit veered away from the testing ground towards a nearby field. Johnny might end up crashing the damned thing, but he was determined not to take anyone with him.
The entire machine shuddered as the pilot decelerated quickly, shouting a curse as he maneuvered the suit into a rough landing. The crash was brutal, tossing the young man forward violently enough to break a restraint. The pilot vaguely acknowledged a searing pain in his shoulder as the impact tore his shoulder from the socket. The large mobile suit finally lurched to a halt, coming to rest at the far end of the field. Johnny growled and cursed in frustration. He snatched his helmet off, smashing it into the control board. Sparks flew as the young man ripped at the wires connecting the helmet to the computer, growling in feral rage. His violent movements worsened the damage to his already battered body, spraining muscles, ripping tendons. He didn’t care. All that mattered was destroying the object of his wrath. Free of the computer system’s influence, Johnny finally began to calm, slowly regaining his composure and ceasing his struggle with the machine just as rescue vehicles arrived.
Johnny felt drained, unnaturally exhausted, strangely numb. As the emergency technicians carefully removed the young man from the cockpit, he simply stared ahead, as though hypnotized. The machine won again. The damn thing always won. The tests had stretched out over several months now. The computer geeks of the research division still had not deciphered the program completely. Johnny had insisted upon being the only test pilot, as much to be the first to fly the evil-looking machine as to protect his crew. Every test had ended in failure. For some reason, the young officer could not seem to conquer the foreign mobile suit. He refused to give up. He’d beat that thing or die trying.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Noin paused outside the lecture hall door and allowed the students around her to enter first. Class was about to start, everyone else seemed to be inside, eagerly awaiting their assignments for the mock battle scheduled for the next month. Noin had looked forward to the event for weeks. Lake Victoria Academy war games were among the most intensive training exercises in the world. As second year cadets, Noin and her classmates were allowed their own exercises, but were denied access to the armored vehicles and mobile suits available to the seniors. The activity would consist exclusively of ground troops engaging in direct combat, fighting for the flag atop the mountain on the other side of the lake.
Such practice was rather like a live action version of chess, much more enjoyable than an actual battle. The fact that Noin had already been involved in such an action and performed well, worked to her definite advantage. She was certain to be put in charge of one of the teams and Noin was excited. Or had been up until an hour ago. She had begun to feel strange. Not sick exactly, but strange. It had been happening off and on for several weeks now along with more headaches. She was becoming disturbed by the episodes. Enough so that she considered consulting the medical staff, an idea that was invariably dismissed.
The familiar dizziness began to descend over her and Noin leaned heavily against the wall. She concentrated on her breathing, following the air on its path through her nose, into her lungs and back. It was a technique Sister Marguerite taught her to cope with the pain and confusion. Breathe in. Images painfully ripped through her brain. Breathe out. Indistinct voices called to her, shrieking in terror, whispering, beckoning. Breathe in. The sound of waves on the shore. Breathe out.
"Il mare mi mette inquietudine…"
Finally the feeling passed, Noin regained her balance and was pleased to see only a few moment had passed. The girl took one last breath and straightened her uniform as she started for the lecture hall door. Noin nearly jumped out of her skin upon seeing Zechs Marquise standing on the opposite side of the door, peering at her with that intense, unreadable expression that seemed always to cover his face. She looked straight into his eyes, trying to determine if he had witnessed the episode. It was all but impossible these days for her to figure the boy out. Noin gave up and went inside.
Noin walked to the far side of the hall, well away from Zechs, and turned her attention to the instructors. The war games were a highly anticipated event among the cadets. It would be the first real chance to test their new skills, prove their worth to OZ and His Excellency. Once again the group was divided into four divisions, each cadet given a rank and duty station. Noin was given command of her division. Zechs would command another and two more high-scoring cadets were placed in charge of the other groups. The added burden for those in the command ranks was a challenge to their class standings. The subordinates in each group were simply competing for high marks, their leaders were fighting for top class ranking.
Once the teams were formed, the instructors informed the groups of their objectives and duties. Each division met for a private briefing before class was dismissed. The four cadet commanders were called back for further instructions. The instructors handed out maps, mission details and other necessary information.
"Any more questions, cadets?"
Zechs hesitated a moment before raising his hand. "Sir, I believe Cadet Noin is too ill for the war games." He felt rather than saw Noin’s irate glare. He had expected as much, but knew there would be no point in privately asking her to step down. Her headaches were obviously still a serious problem and Zechs didn’t like the idea that Noin might have a spell during the mock battle.
"Ill? She looks fine to me."
The instructor sounded suspicious. It occurred to Zechs that the instructors might think he was simply trying to cut down on the competition. It annoyed him, but Noin’s health was more important than his reputation among the staff. Whether or not he could be her friend, Zech couldn’t stand back and watchNoin to put herself in needless danger. The episode he witnessed before class seemed more intense than any other he had witnessed. If Noin insisted on continuing, she could get herself killed. Zechs had no desire to completely wreck her standing at the Academy, either, so he chose his words carefully.
"She seemed dizzy just before class…I thought she might have the flu…" It wasn’t beyond reason. Their had been a sever outbreak of flu in the nearby villages.
"I’m perfectly fine, sirs," Noin insisted tersely, "I simply felt a bit weak because I skipped breakfast this morning." She glared at Zechs, daring him to continue his challenge of her state of health. "My blood sugar was a little low."
"Well, Cadet Noin, I suggest you make sure to eat breakfast before maneuvers."
"Yes, sir."
"And you, Cadet Merquise, should reserve the diagnosis for the medical staff."
"Yes, sir.
The two cadets saluted and strode off in opposite directions.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Our little Zechs has discovered girls," Johnny announced as he limped into Treize’s private study. Easing into a nearby chair, the young man nodded enthusiastically as his older brother held up a glass and bottle of whiskey. The younger Kushrenada brother was still recovering from injuries received in his latest attempt to master the mysterious crimson mobile suit. A dislocated shoulder, hyper-extended knees, and numerous contusions still plagued him. The base doctor ordered that he be grounded until his shoulder healed, only allowing Johnny to teach. As much as he liked his students, the young pilot was only truly happy in a mobile suit.
"Discovered girls. Oh, really?" Treize said with interest, one eyebrow arching in amusement. "And what fortunate young lady has caught the boy count’s eye."
"Lucretzia Noin."
Treize started and recovered quickly, but not fast enough to escape his brother’s notice.
"You remember her, don’t you Treize? She’s the one Zechs tied with in the fencing finals."
"Ah, yes. Little Lucretzia. She’s an impressive recruit."
"Zechs does have impeccable taste."
"What makes you assume he’s interested in Cadet Noin?
"Well, he ignores her when he can, goes out of his way to be cold…I heard he tried to have her kicked out of war games…sounds like true love to me."
"Ah."
"Funny how those two hadn’t met before the tournament."
"Hm."
"You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Treize?"
"Hn."
Johnny eyed his brother from his comfortable chair, watching the older man fix their drinks. He knew his brother very well. Monosyllables from the normally verbose Duke Treize meant he was hiding something. However, it was something he didn’t wish to discuss just yet. Johnny decided not to pursue, believing that if it were important enough, his brother would eventually unburden himself as he had about the nurse. It had taken several weeks, but Treize did open up about his brief relationship with Leia Barton. Johnny had been rather surprised—and more than a bit concerned—by his brother’s reaction. It wasn’t like the young duke to retain lingering interest in a woman. Nurse Barton really got to him.
"Don’t you think he is a bit young for romantic ties?" Treize handed a glass of whiskey to his smirking brother.
"He’s almost fourteen. I’d say it’s about time," Johnny took a swig from his glass. "Besides, saying he’s too young would be hypocritical of both of us, don’t you think?"
"Perhaps," Treize conceded with a chuckle, "How old were you when you discovered the charms of the opposite sex? Straight from the womb or did you wait to be weaned?"
"I was three…Joanie MacKinnon…" the young man sighed wistfully, a distant expression softening his features. "She was my babysitter. I used to pretend I had nightmares just so she’d let me sit in her lap and snuggle."
"We Kushrenada men have always preferred older women."
"And they have always preferred us." The men raised their glasses in a silent toast.
Treize smiled. "By the time I was fourteen, I had half the female aristocracy pursuing me."
"Not to mention their irate fathers." Johnny laughed. "Yeah, I remember that first week we met…"
"…when we snuck out to meet those twin duchesses."
"They were in college weren’t they?"
"High school, but they were seniors."
"First time anyone ever accused me of being debauched."
"I had to explain what it meant."
"Good thing their father was such a bad shot."
The men laughed and raised their glasses in another toast. "Here’s to poorly maintained skeet rifles."
Johnny emptied his glass and reached for the bottle to refill. "Did you ever ‘fess up to your mother about that?"
"Are you mad?" Treize held out his own empty tumbler.
"So she bought that story about highway robbers putting that bullet hole in your jacket?"
"Well, it didn’t sound so silly when I related the tale."
"Oh, be serious. Your mother worshipped you. She would have believed anything you told her."
"Your mother never believed anything I told her."
"Cuz she was sharp. She knew a con when she met one and didn’t take crap from anybody."
"And I admired her for it."
"Here’s to our beautiful, beleaguered mothers..."
"…and their debauched sons."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was two days after the command assignments for war games had been distributed when Noin came up with a viable strategy. The goal was to reach the summit of the mountain, retrieve the flag and return to base to present the trophy to His Excellency. Noin’s plan was not strictly by the book, but as one of her instructors often pointed out, the enemy didn’t always play by the rules either. Her idea would not compromise her sense of honor and fair play, it was just creative. She figured the other groups, Zechs included, would prepare a full on assault, most likely decimating each other in the process. She planned something a little more cautious. Redirecting the other groups, leaving them to fight each other, while her team walked up the mountain and retrieved the flag. The details of the operation were more complex than that, but the overall idea was simple. Get in, get out, nobody on her team gets hurt.
As she walked across the aviation compound, Noin heard a yelp from the other side of the hanger wall. A loud set of clanging noises followed by some creative expletives both shocked and amused the girl. She walked to the door and ventured cautiously around the corner to investigate. It was one of her instructors. Johnny was his name. Noin recalled seeing Zechs hang out with him a lot.
"Aw, sh…" Johnny looked up at that moment and caught sight of Noin. "…oot." The young man grinned peevishly. "Shoot a monkey. That sure hurt."
His comical tone and pained expression amused Noin enough that she giggled slightly, not something she did much these days. "Are you all right, sir?"
"Uh…yeah. I’m just," Johnny indicated the sling, "temporarily handicapped."
"What happened?" Normally Noin would not have questioned a superior officer on such a personal matter—or any matter—but something about the young man inspired a sense of ease and camaraderie. His reaction confirmed her first instinct.
"Got in a fight with a mobile suit…the suit won." Johnny grinned. "Lucretzia Noin, right?"
"Yes, sir." The cadet straightened and prepared to salute but stopped at Johnny’s insistence.
"Now, now. None of that. We’re both off duty….I’m temporarily grounded till this heals, so I thought I’d work on my bike…forgetting it would be easier with two hands. I could use a bit of help here, care to assist Lucretzia?"
"I’d be happy to help, Instructor…"
The officer held his hand up. "Johnny. If you’re going to take the place of my right hand, you should call me by my name. Besides, ‘Instructor’ makes me feel old."
"All right, sir…I mean, Johnny. Call me Noin." The cadet gathered the tools Johnny scattered across the floor and knelt beside the bike.
"Got it." Johnny selected a few of the abused instruments and handed one to Noin. "O.K. You’re going to take that and use it to tighten…exactly what you’re tightening." He paused upon seeing Noin proceed to perform the task without instruction. "Done this before, I see."
"Sister had an old bike we used to tinker with."
"Your sister was a biker chick, huh?"
Noin giggled at the thought of Marguerite in a Hell’s Angels jacket. "No, she was a nun. She ran the orphanage where I used to live."
"Oh… Sorry about the ‘biker chick’ thing."
"That’s all right. Sister would think it was funny."
"So what kind of bike was it?"
"Just an old dirt bike, nothing like this." Noin gestured broadly in admiration.
"So you know a classic when you see one."
They chatted for several hours as they worked on the antiquated machine. Gradually, the bike’s engine began to take shape. There was still much work to be done and the vehicle needed a new seat. The two discussed possible paint colors, settling on red as the most appropriate for such a fine machine. After a time, both noticed that daylight was gone and the outer spotlights had activated. Johnny checked his watch. Past 8:00.
"Damn," Johnny looked back up as his young companion and smiled sheepishly, "I mean darn."
Noin laughed. "Don’t worry, I’ve heard worse."
Johnny reached forward and mussed the girl’s hair, "I knew you were a good sport. Now beat it before you miss room check."
"Yessir!" Noin straightened and saluted before dashing off towards the dorms.
Johnny quickly cleaned up and secured the antiquated motorcycle. He was already late for Treize’s party and he still had to clean up. Maybe he could sneak in and make it to his room before Treize realized he wasn’t there. A quick wash and change of clothes then down the main staircase as though he’d been there all along. Another stifling evening among the elegant stuffed shirts of Romefellar. Ugh. Oh what he wouldn’t give for a good old fashioned kegger. Or maybe he could just hang out in Treize’s study…the one with the well-stocked wet bar…
+++++++++++++++++++
Duke Treize Kushrenada wearily entered his study and divested himself of his heavy blue jacket and cape. It was a rarity for the young man these days, to appear in anything less than full regalia, but he had suffered through a particularly grueling session with Romefellar’s funding committee and was exhausted. Last week, the formal reception ball for General Noventa, this week , interminable meetings discussing the minutiae of project funding. Hours spent locked in an increasingly tiny room with insipid little human calculators, trying to convince his superiors that more funding should be channeled to mobile suit technology, not operating systems that took control away from human beings. If Treize hadn’t already held everyone of those men in contempt, he certainly would have by the end of the day. He needed to loosen up, to change clothes, to have a drink of something exquisitely aged. Stooping, he opened his liquor cabinet and reached for his favorite bottle of…
Empty bottle of cognac. Propped up against the vacant bottle was a note. Treize picked up the crisp white card and read the neat inscription:
~Thanks for the booze bro! Johnny~
That was where Johnny disappeared to during the ball. Treize seethed momentarily. He wasn't sure which was more aggravating, the fact that Johnny drained his private stock or that his prodigal brother referred to 75 year old cognac as 'booze.' Either way, it was fortunate that the younger man was away at an auction buying parts for his aged motorcycle. Johnny insisted the decrepit machine was a ‘classic work of art.’ Treize smiled softly as he poured a glass of fine wine. He could overlook the invasion of his private stock this time considering what his brother had experienced recently. It was the third time that Johnny almost got killed piloting that suit.
His Excellency had initially planned on testing the suit himself, anxious to sit inside the impressive weapon. Johnny had claimed, "Finders Keepers" with a roguish smile that quickly turned into an angry scowl as Treize insisted otherwise. An argument ensued, as it usually did in such situations. Johnny was the better pilot, they both knew that, but Treize felt more of a connection to the red dragon. A few smashed brandy snifters later and Johnny finally made his older brother see the merits of allowing someone else to test the mobile suit. The young duke was well on his way to becoming the leader of OZ, at least within the next few years, needlessly risking himself as a test pilot was foolish. Johnny, on the other hand, was expendable.
Treize loved his brother, but the basic fact remained that Johnny might be called upon to make the same sacrifice any OZ officer should be prepared to make. Forfeiting his life in service to the cause. It was no more or less than His Excellency expected of himself or anyone under his command. Even Zechs was being prepared for such a fate. As fond of the boy as the young duke had become, he saw Zechs as a weapon first and friend second. It was necessary. The boy understood that, welcomed it. He was more willing to give his life up than anyone. Treize couldn’t stand by and watch the boy become confused by past friendships. It was a mistake, the duke now realized, to ever have reintroduced the boy to his childhood confidante. Now, he must correct the mistake.
As if on cue, the light sound of piano music drifted down the hall, reminding Treize that he had requested Cadet Marquise pay a brief visit. Treize refilled his now drained goblet and proceeded to follow the haunting refrain to its source. His Excellency stood in the doorway for a few moments, enjoying the lovely melody. Zechs’ lessons had certainly paid off. The boy’s fluid, emotional style more than made up for any lack of technical proficiency. The performance ended and Zechs sat staring at his hands as they rested on the keys. He began rubbing his fingertips together as though trying to brush off some small trace of dirt.
"Good to see you, Zechs. How are your studies at Lake Victoria progressing?"
"Very well, Excellency, thank you."
"Thank you for coming."
"Is there a problem, Treize?"
"I wouldn’t say problem exactly. I thought we should talk."
"About?"
"The future. Our future." Treize sat down in an ornate armchair by the large bay window and waved his young protégé over. "We are men of purpose, Zechs. Our destiny is to govern. It can be a hard fate…and a lonely one, but the world cries for us to lead. It is our birthright and duty. One cannot work for the greater good if personal concerns taint one’s vision."
"Is there something in particular that I should be wary of, sir?"
"Yes. Stumbling blocks. The path of a true warrior is often made rough by concerns of the heart. Attaching oneself to those in need of a warrior’s protection weakens the warrior. In order to protect the weak, we must avoid becoming like them. Do you understand what I’m trying to say, Zechs?"
Zechs paused and looked at his reddened, chapped hands. "Yes, Excellency. I understand perfectly."
A few hours later, Zechs was back at Lake Victoria Academy, pondering the significance of Treize’s words. It was exactly what Zechs believed wasn’t it? That he shouldn’t have friends. That the only way to exact revenge was to become the very thing he hated. To the boy’s chagrin, his heart refused to be silent on the subject. He already had ‘attachments’ to the weak. Zechs did not know where she was or how she fared, but Relena was imbedded in his heart more deeply than ever. He had friends. Not many, granted. Treize, Johnny…and Noin, though he railed against that fact daily. He had friends and it made him want to fight all the harder to protect them. The older he got, the harder the question was to deal with. He needed to talk to someone who understood.
Zechs turned and started for the mechanics bays. Johnny was probably still tinkering with that broken machine of his. As expected, Zechs found his friend sitting at the end of the hanger among a pile of strewn tools, wearing a pair of dirty coveralls. Not so expected was the sight of Lucretzia Noin standing next to the instructor, smiling, hands on hips, a smudge of grease on her chin. As he approached, Zechs could hear the last bit of their conversation.
"Finished!"
"Thanks for the help, Noin."
"I had fun. No charge."
They both laughed at the girl’s joke a moment before noticing Zechs. Johnny grinned. Noin grew grim.
"Hey Zechs, buddy! Just in time to see me test out my newly restored Harley."
Zechs shoved his hands in his pocket. "Looks great."
"Yeah, couldn’t have done it without Noin, here."
Zechs and Noin looked down and away from each other. Johnny shook his head. Teenagers. Had he been that bad at that age? No. He was already dating seniors. He had grown quite attached to both kids and hated to see them in such discomfort. It definitely wasn’t funny anymore.
"All righty. I’m going to take this baby out for a spin. You two stay here and keep an eye out for me, ‘kay?"
The two cadets just looked from Johnny to each other and back. "OhhhKaaay?" Johnny insisted.
"Yes, sir."
Johnny shook his head and hopped on his precious bike. He took off, tires squealing in protest at the sudden burst of speed. Though he had graduated from the sling to an support bandage, the young man’s shoulder still burned uncomfortably. He didn’t care. That ride across the field was well worth a sore shoulder. He made the round, circling the hanger several times and waving at the now smiling cadets waiting for him. He popped a wheelie, earning a cheer from both cadets and brought the bike in.
"You guys want to try her out?"
"I’ll go!" Zechs piped up quickly
"Wait a minute. Why should you get to ride it next?" Noin replied indignantly.
"Because I’ve driven motorcycles before. I ride them all the time. I have more experience."
"I’ve ridden plenty of bikes."
"When?"
"They had one at the convent in Rome," Noin paused and looked away from the boy. "Besides, I helped fix it, I should get to try it out next."
Johnny looked from Noin to Zechs, fascinated by the little drama unfolding before him. It was as though they had bickered all of their lives. "Sorry Zechs-boy, but Noin’s right. She helped me rebuild the thing, she should drive first." Noin grinned, Zechs scowled. "You can be the passenger." The lieutenant tossed the key to a startled Noin, who glanced nervously at the displeased boy next to her. "There’s plenty of room for both of you. Now get going before I change my mind."
The cadets hesitated, carefully avoiding eye contact. Noin finally walked to the bike and straddled the machine, timidly waving Zechs over, "We better go." The boy walked stiffly to the bike and climbed on behind his classmate.
"Better hold on, Zechs. Noin’s a speed demon." Johnny grinned at the blush that rose to the girl’s cheek and the glare he received from the boy. Zechs lightly gripped Noin’s waist, careful not to hold her too close. The engine sprang to life, roaring in expectation.
"Ready?" Noin called back over her shoulder. Her passenger nodded and the girl gunned the engine. The sudden jolt took the boy off guard and he flung his arms around Noin’s waist, holding on for dear life as they sped down the tarmac. Zechs felt a burst of adrenaline as they zipped away from the school’s main complex. Faster and faster. Further away. Racing the wind. Noin giggled and Zechs found himself smiling. For a moment Zechs allowed himself to forget why he couldn’t be part of this girl’s life and just gave himself over to the rush of speed. The wind blew Noin’s hair back into his face and he caught a whiff of a familiar smell. Lilacs.
They sped along the edge of the clearing until a small road became visible. Without hesitation, Noin aimed the bike for the road, taking them out of view. The road was a bit bumpy and the two found themselves airborne more than once. Even Zechs was laughing. Impulsively, he leaned forward and shouted above the roaring wind.
"Know how to do a wheelie?"
"Nope."
"Scoot up."
Noin obliged and Zechs extended his longer legs behind hers, replacing her feet with his in one perfectly timed motion. He let go of the girl’s waist and reached forward to cover Noin’s hands on the grips.
"Ready?"
"Ready!"
Zechs accelerated the bike and pulled the front wheel off the ground. It was only a few seconds, but exciting enough to elicit a squeal from Noin.
"Cool! I’m gonna try it!"
Zechs relinquished control of the bike again and held on tight as Noin managed to raise the front wheel for a few seconds. They discovered they were arriving at the edge of a nearby town and decided to turn back before Johnny sent out search parties. The pair arrived back at the hanger, out of breath and windblown.
"That was fun," Noin giggled as she smoothed her hair down. "Now, it’s your turn to drive. Let’s go." She looked up at Zechs, smiling in delight and happy to share an adventure with him once again. Zechs ran his fingers through unruly bangs and looked down at Noin. In an instant, he changed from a happy, laughing boy to a stone faced Specials cadet. Noin’s face fell, as did her heart.
"I’d rather ride alone."
"Oh. All right…" Noin looked down at her clothes and busied herself with imaginary wrinkles in her uniform. "Well, I have to go anyway…I have to…study." She looked up at Johnny and smiled weakly. "Thanks for letting me try the bike out."
"Anytime," the instructor replied gently, "Thanks for helping me get it into shape."
Cadet Noin walked away quickly. The moment she was out of earshot, Johnny whirled on Zechs and smacked the back of the boy’s head.
"Why the hell did you do that?" Zechs rubbed his head in aggravation.
"Why are you such a stubborn jerk?"
Zechs stiffened. "I don’t know what you mean".
"She was really trying, you twit. One quick ride around the compound and back. Would that have hurt so much?"
"I wanted to go fast and I didn’t want to worry about getting a passenger hurt…"
"Wha…get a passenger…are you NUTS?!" Johnny threw up his hands in disbelief.
"…and the bike will go faster with less weight…"
"If I had a girl who looked like that interested in me, I’d…"
Zechs whirled on his friend and superior officer, glaring. "You would what?" the boy demanded coldly, expression taut. Johnny observed the cadet’s reaction with interest. For someone who claimed to dislike Lucretzia Noin, Zechs sure was protective. Smirking, Johnny decided to push a few buttons and see what happened.
"Oh, I don’t know. Pretty girl, fast bike, small village nearby chock full of dark secluded pubs…."
"She’s far too young for you," Zechs crossed his arms to hide his fists. "Besides, I’m certain you’re not at all her type."
"And what’s her type?"
"Someone a little more worthy of her attention, not some lush with bloodshot eyes."
Well, jealousy finally reared its green little head. He was right. Zechs liked Noin. Johnny did his best to hide his mirth. "And you’d know all of this how…?"
The boy’s expression hardened and he began to walk away. Johnny caught his arm, trying to hold the boy back but Zechs wrenched free.
"Come to, cadet!" Johnny said sternly. Zechs complied grudgingly. "OZ may own your butt…and even your soul…but it does NOT own your heart, Zechs Merquise. You have a right to make friends. You think I could do what I do if you and Treize weren’t part of my life? Nobody can make it on their own, kid, so stop being a freakin’ idiot and admit you like the girl." The lieutenant finished his speech by once again swatting the back of the younger boy’s head.
"But Treize said…"
"I’m going to let you in on a little secret," Johnny looked around in mock wariness. "I know this is tantamount to treason around here but," he leaned forward and continued in a whisper, "Treize doesn’t know everything."
Zechs looked from Johnny to the rapidly retreating form of Lucretzia Noin. The normally stoic, mature Specials cadet suddenly stomped his foot in a very childish manner and ran after Noin. He didn’t shout for her, he wouldn’t embarrass himself. Zechs wasn’t even certain why he was chasing after the girl. He was still arguing with himself, trying to convince his feet to still and silence flurry in his head. Why the hell was he going after her now? It almost worked, he almost pushed Noin away completely. Every step brought him closer and closer to the very object that blocked the path of a true warrior. If he could just stop himself, that obstacle would be out of his way forever.
OZ does not own your heart…
Johnny’s words replayed in his mind over and over, growing louder, drowning out every reasonable objection his logical mind could produce. Suddenly, Noin’s name tore through the boy’s throat in a hoarse shout. The girl stopped abruptly and turned with a start. She halted so abruptly, Zechs almost plowed right in to her. Skidding to a stop just in time, the cadet stood looking down at the girl in front of him. Noin’s gaze was questioning, a hint of redness riming her violet eyes. Zechs opened his mouth as though to speak and shut it again. He realized he didn’t know what to say. Did he chase her to apologize? To ask her to come back? To explain why they couldn’t be friends and convince her to accept his decision? Damn, what was he supposed to say?
"I was going for a walk in the woods…would you care to join me, cadet?" A walk? In the woods? Zechs marveled at his own stupidity. Care to join me, cadet? That’s it? Damn, damn, damn. The boy watched Noin’s expression evolve from surprise to uncertainty. The slight frown at her brow indicated she was trying to decide what to say. Good. She was at a loss, too. At length, the girl smiled softly and spoke.
"Afraid of getting lost again?"
Zechs smiled in spite of himself. It wasn’t the same easy open smile he bestowed so willingly once upon a time, but rather a subtle softening of expression, relaxed eyes and a slight curve of lips. "Well, my sense of direction has improved considerably, but there’s always the danger of trolls about."
"I see…so you need protection?" Noin teased as they turned and began walking towards the edge of the forest.
"Backup."
"Ah."
They walked in silence for a time, each attempting to find something intelligent to say to keep the conversation going. There was a time when filling a silence was not needed, but they were beyond that at the moment, awkwardly trying to reconnect in some small way. They had both changed a great deal in the last two years, physically and emotionally. One embraced by a loving past, one thrust into a cold future, both mourning what could never be.
Their trek through the woods led them to the ruins of an old settler cottage dating to pre-colony development near the huge lake. It was made of stone, small but looked to have been quite charming in its day. It reminded both children of another cottage far away. Not in appearance. The designs were quite different, but the character of the house seemed to give it life. Walking through the dusty front room, filled with overgrowth and the debris of a generation of neglect, each found themselves caught up in similar memories. The oversized fireplace still contained the iron hook hinged to the side to accommodate a large cooking pot. Noin ran a finger along the cracked tiles and wondered how many happy children were fed at that hearth. The ghosts of generations of content family members passed through the dilapidated structure as the breeze picked up strewn leaves in small twisters.
Zechs crossed over to join Noin at the fireplace and knelt. He leaned in and looked up the chimney.
"I bet someone could still light a fire in this. There doesn’t seem to be any damage to the chimney itself."
"Yeah," Noin agreed, glad to start another conversation, "and this is still pretty sturdy." She pulled on the hook as she spoke to test its strength. "Someone could hang a cooking pot on it."
"Yeah." Zechs sat on the other edge of the hearth and leaned back, trying to find something else to say. Something that would take his mind of the nagging feeling that it was wrong, he shouldn’t be there. He should leave her alone. The wind picked up, passing through the house in a soft whisper, whistling through the trees, hinting at a melody. It began to grow dark. Zechs felt himself running, shouting, though he heard nothing. Pain. Red. Mud. Red. Water. Red. Everything was red…
His eyes snapped open as the dream ended abruptly. It took a moment for the disorientation to pass and for Zechs to realize he had fallen asleep and dreamed. He remained still, trying to recall where he was. A slight pressure on his chest caught his attention and he looked down at a small hand, resting over the spot where his mama’s locket lay beneath his shirt. He looked from the hand to Noin, who sat staring out one of the broken windows, lost in thought. He must have called out or something that attracted her attention. She knew he was having a nightmare and did what she always had…let him know he wasn’t alone. Zechs lay still for a moment, wavering between accepting her comfort or burying his fears. Ultimately he chose the latter and sat up.
The boy’s movement alerted Noin and she turned to him. "Are you all right, Zechs?"
"Yes." The response was curt, more than the boy intended, but the last thing he needed was to rehash a nightmare. He brushed the dirt from his clothes, wiped the sleep from his eyes and carefully avoided meeting Noin’s gaze. He could feel her looking at him and did not feel up to the challenge of keeping his expression cold while looking into her huge, compassionate eyes. That would be the last straw. He would break down into pathetic sobs, he was sure.
"Zechs…what did they do to you?"
The question caught the boy off guard and he looked up. Noin’s face was marred by worry, fear, and a host of other emotions he couldn’t decipher. His first instinct was to tell her what happened, but he had lived away from her too long to immediately confide anything. Even if he could tell her, Zechs couldn’t bear the consequences. Noin sat there in loving concern, ready to help in any way she could, but what would happen if she found out what he did? It occurred to him that the revelation might accomplish what the past few weeks of cold snubbing had not. She might turn from him and never look back. Noin would be free of his wickedness and Zechs would be free of her friendship.
"They locked me up for a while…" Zechs kept his voice flat, emotionless. He might as well have been reciting mechanical data to an instructor. "Karl and that other cadet roughed me up a bit…" The boy looked straight ahead as the story unfolded, fearful of looking into Noin’s eyes as the horror of what he had become finally became clear. "He kept bragging about killing you…"
"You thought I was dead?"
"And we got in a fight…"
"Oh, Zechs."
"Karl had a knife, he was going to stab me and I…"
"Zechs," Noin’s choked whisper barely reached him.
"I killed him."
They sat in suffocating silence for what seemed like hours, but proved to be only a few moments. Zechs swallowed a lump rising in his throat at the memory of Karl’s shocked face, quickly being drained of life. That was it. He did it. She hated him now. It was a miracle she didn’t run away screaming for help. He could not bring himself to see that hate and disgust on her face, so the boy stared straight ahead.
"So now you understand why we can’t be friends anymore."
Noin closed her eyes briefly against the swell of tears. Zechs truly did hate her now. He had been abused and forced to kill because of her. Noin knew she deserved the boy’s contempt, but found it was too much. She could learn to live without his friendship, even without his respect, but she could not live with his hatred. It was too much to ask, she knew, but Noin couldn’t help herself. She had to ask for his forgiveness.
"I’m sorry for everything, Zechs…please don’t hate me."
"What?" Taken aback, Zechs finally dared to look at the girl. Noin’s head was bowed slightly, long bangs falling forward to shield her face. It was an old habit of hers, hiding behind her hair. Hate her? What was she talking about? He could never hate her. It had not occurred to him to try. There was enough hate in his heart for those who deserved it, he couldn’t extend it to include someone as blameless as Noin.
"I know it was my fault that you got caught, but if you can forgive me…"
"Forgive you?" After a moment of confusion, Zechs understood. Noin felt guilty. He made her think she was responsible.
"I know it’s a lot to ask, but…"
"Damn it Noin! I just told you I killed Karl! Don’t you get it? I am a killer!"
Noin looked up, finally meeting the boy’s gaze, and realized what Zechs was saying. She saw it all in his eyes. The shame, anger, loathing. Hate, not for her, but himself. She could accept blame but she wouldn’t allow him to heap it on his own head. Her sad expression faded into a righteous frown as she considered what it must have been like for him after Karl’s death. When Zechs spoke again Noin was disheartened by the desperate, almost pleading tone.
"How can you stand to be here with me? With a murderer?!"
"It wasn’t your fault, Zechs! He was going to kill you!"
"My father was in the same position…he died rather than take a life." Zechs held his head in his hands, eyes closed. "Father would be so ashamed of me."
Noin timidly squeezed the boy’s shoulder. "I don’t know what your father would do, but I know your mother would be glad you are alive."
"Just leave it alone, Noin," Zechs growled angrily as he jerked away from the girl’s comforting touch. "Leave me alone…you can’t help me."
"What do you expect me to do? Turn my back and run? I’ve been looking for you for two years, do you honestly think I’ll just walk away now that you’re back?" Noin huffed and folded her arms across her chest stubbornly. "Not going to happen, pal. Family sticks together."
"But we’re not family, are we?" responded wearily, nearly whispering. "That was just a game of pretend…an elaborate fairytale we cooked up…"
"I meant it. Ingrid was my Nana and you were my brother…"
"I can’t be your brother anymore, Noin. I can’t be anyone’s brother…" The boy’s voice trailed off into a whisper as his thoughts turned to another little girl, far away.
"You’re right," Noin’s response was quiet, dignified but firm, "maybe we can’t be a family anymore, but we are still friends, Zechs. We will always be friends, no matter what. Remember? Pinkie Swears are forever."
Zechs scowled and looked over to the girl, expecting to see an amused smile. Instead, Noin’s expression was grim and determined. Obstinate. Zechs recognized that willful expression. No way he was going to be able to talk her out of this and Zechs wasn’t certain now that he wanted to try. He had missed having a friend more than he cared to admit. He looked up to both Treize and Johnny, but there were things he would never confide to them. Things that had nothing to do with revenge, justice, or duty. Things he could share with Noin. Fairies, dragons, secrets and songs. Wishes, promises, chocolate cake. Those he could only share with his best friend.
Zechs allowed his implacable expression to soften, the hint of a smile on his lips, and held out a pinkie finger. Noin smiled in return as she hooked her little finger with his. It would never be like it once was, but their friendship had managed to survive somehow. Through all the turmoil of world wars and the inner tumult of uncertainty and guilt, they were still friends. They were the Lilac Princess and the Cloud Prince, continuing their quest through the darkness and searching for a new day. Together.
++++++++++++ End Chapter 4. Did you make it this far? Forgive me now? ++++++++++++++
I know. Obnoxiously long chapter, but hopefully it was worth the month-long wait. That last bit gagged me a bit. That was too precious, even for me, but I couldn’t think of anything better and at least they’re friends again. I actually had a different version where Zechs runs off again, but my cousin started throwing popcorn balls at me and demanding a happier conclusion. Ever tried to get Karo syrup out of your hair? Not fun. Anyway, my angsty mood lifted and I decided on a reconciliation. I think I’ve brought them both up to their GW series personalities, but I’d appreciate feedback on that. Same goes for Treize and Une (particularly Treize, he turned out to be more difficult than I thought). I’m trying very hard to keep them true to their characters while making up whole new histories for them. That’s not easy, so I need to know how I’m doing.
The scene where Treize finds the note from Johnny was given to me by Johnny Rage (Thanks man!) & he was the inspiration for that character…he’s so funny…Sorry this one took longer, but I was depressed about something and developed an evil case of writer’s block. Naturally, this made me more depressed which intensified my writer’s block. Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m still having loads of trouble in the inspiration department. My brother calls it creative constipation. You can always count on a brother to be gross just when you need it most.
Disclaimer: O.K. Every lawyer reading this has a new assignment to be completed by the next chapter: take out your legal pads and write one thousand times, "Lady Dante does not own Gundam Wing, even though she deserves to, and we will not bother her." Any lawyer who fails to complete this assignment before the next chapter will be forced to deal with Mr. Boo-bear.